What breast cancer has taught me about life, work and health

A renewed appreciation for the things I previously took for granted.

It's been an ‘interesting’ year. On 9th September 2024 I was diagnosed with breast cancer after finding a lump in my left breast 6 weeks earlier. In November I had surgery to remove the lump and reconstruct my breast, and to have some lymph nodes removed. Test results showed the cancer had spread to one of the lymph nodes so my medical team recommended chemotherapy followed by further surgery to remove remaining lymph nodes, then radiotherapy. Thankfully it’s treatable, but I’m still looking at over a year of treatment.

After completing six cycles of chemotherapy, I wanted to reflect on what I've experienced and learnt so far. I've decided to share my story for several reasons. Firstly because cancer treatment changes your appearance and it becomes very difficult to hide. I didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable about discussing it with me, treating me with sympathy or kid gloves. Life goes on and I don’t want to be defined by the C-word. Work is a welcome distraction and helps me feel ‘normal’. I also think it’s important to talk about it and if me doing so helps just one other person, I’ll be very happy.

Every breast cancer journey is different

An important point to note is that every cancer journey is medically very different - even with the same type of cancer (eg breast cancer) - but despite that I think there are some emotional and practical experiences that are common with a cancer diagnosis, which is what I've written about here. For those who thankfully haven't experienced it, I have two bits of advice that I'll stick at the top so you can stop reading if the rest isn't relevant:

• Check your breasts/chest often so you understand what normal is to you. See the GP even if you think you've found something or nothing.

• Take out some critical illness cover right now. Hopefully you'll never need it, but you'll be glad if you ever do.

For those who want to read on, here's what I've learnt so far. This is all from my perspective, not a list of advice. Take from it what you will...

Humour, resiliance and talking

I have made it through the last year with a sense of humour intact, despite not believing I could. It turns out I have more resilience than I thought I did, even if I have to dig deep sometimes. Hard times, however, are inevitable and it’s really important to feel the feelings when they arise. Talking is so important, whether that’s with family, friends or a charity helpline.

Avoid unnecessary rabbit holes

My instinct was to stay off Google until I'd been given a diagnosis and clear facts. From finding the lump to diagnosis took almost two months due to needing various tests, then even after I had been told I had cancer I had to wait for the results of more scans and tests before they could tell me what type it was, and what treatment I would need. Googling is tempting but can take you down some very dark rabbit holes unnecessarily.

Be prepared for the waiting

There's a lot of waiting - waiting for appointments, waiting for results, waiting for a diagnosis. For me, waiting was the hardest part. What helped me was distraction - getting on with life and work as usual and not telling many people too early. Once I'd received the diagnosis I felt strangely relieved because at least I could start getting my head around the implications.

Find a calm friend

I sensed it was cancer before I got the diagnosis, but even so, nothing prepared me for hearing those words. What really helped was to have a calm friend with me to take notes and hear the things I'd stopped being able to hear, which was everything after "I'm afraid it's cancer."

Control the tone

Telling people you have cancer is hard because it's emotionally draining for you, shocking for them and you don't know how they're going to react. I decided not to tell close family and friends until I knew what I was dealing with, what my prognosis was and what treatment I would need. This was one small way I felt I could be in control and set the tone for how I wanted people to respond - i.e. no drama or sympathy.

Accepting reality & timescales

This is a marathon, not a sprint. I naively thought it would be done and dusted in a few months but it's already been almost a year and I still have more surgery and treatment to come. Accepting this reality has helped me play a proactive role in my treatment, make plans and make realistic decisions about work and finances.

A world of admin!

There's a lot of admin. It's almost a full time job to stay on top of everything. It's also emotionally all-consuming, so I've found it helpful to do nice stuff that distracts me and makes me laugh, and plan lots of things to look forward to.

Be your own best advocate

I used to hate causing any kind of fuss, but I've got a lot better at advocating for myself in the NHS. There are, sadly, a lot of people in the system and it's easy to get lost, so I've grown more comfortable with making myself politely annoying. It's a strategy that seems to be working.

Prepare for unpredictability

Chemo is 'interesting'. It's the gift that keeps on giving. The side effects are varied, and can be persistent. It's an unpredictable journey - things can change quickly and change the course of treatment, so I learned to prepare for change and have a bag packed in case I needed to go to hospital quickly (it happened 5 times during my course of treatment - the first time I didn't have a bag packed). I literally had to put my life on hold and prepare for the unexpected and whilst being called to hospital was the last thing I wanted, I took great comfort from the fact that my medical team were not prepared to take any chances.

Empowering decisions

I was terrified of losing my hair. Cold cap treatment works for some people, but it didn't for me. Once it started to fall out, shaving my head was one of the most empowering decisions I made. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather have hair, but I'm having fun experimenting with head coverings. The downside of losing your hair to chemo is that it's suddenly very obvious you're a cancer patient, which is something I never wanted to feel because you start getting those head-tilty sympathetic looks from people, which makes me feel really disempowered. It's one of the motivations for writing this post; now that it’s obvious I’m being treated for cancer, I wanted to publicly share how I feel about it, which will hopefully set the tone for how I would like to be treated.

Listen to your body

I've learned the importance of listening to my body. It's a time of information overload - you get reams of literature from the hospital and you also get well-intentioned folks telling you about all the different supplements you can take. I totally understand it's because they want to help, but the sum total is overwhelming and can make decision-making really difficult. I've found it useful to have quiet time so I can hear what my intuition is telling me about what feels right for me.

More control than I thought

I continue to go through a whole range of emotions - fear, anger, frustration, hope, optimism to name a few. I have, however, learned that victim mentality makes the journey harder. Instead of 'Why is this happening to me?' I'm asking 'How can I get some control over what is happening to me?' I was surprised to find there's a lot more I can control than I thought possible.

The invaluable things

Friends and family are my lifeline. They all asked me how they could help and initially I didn't know until the journey got underway. Things that have been invaluable for me are: food parcels; lifts to and from hospital; check-in messages and virtual hugs; walking buddies; adding songs to my motivational playlist; funny cards through the post; knitting beanie hats and making head coverings; listening to my anxieties and telling me it's going to be okay.

Working with cancer

I had to change the way I worked. Chemotherapy takes you on a physical rollercoaster and it’s difficult to predict when you’re going to feel okay. Many people are able to continue working through it, but as a video producer with a physical job, I was unable to commit myself to clients because I didn’t know if I’d be physically capable of doing the hands-on filming.

So, whilst I couldn’t work, I began adapting my services so there were things I could still deliver from my home office, such as video editing and video training. With chemo you also get steroids to prevent allergic reactions, and steroids made me super productive so I wrote several smartphone video training workshops, which you can book here.

The value of a diary

I decided to start keeping a diary after I found out I'd be having chemo, and this has really helped me to process my feelings about it all. I chose to do it in video form because that felt right for me, but I know some people prefer to write it. I'm finding it really useful to look back on my first entries to remind myself how far I've come, especially during the times I’m at my lowest. I’ve started a private YouTube playlist, which I’m happy to share with anyone who might find it useful - ask me.

Embrace the journey

I made the decision early on to embrace the journey, not try to fight it, and I'm glad I did. The key to this was ditching the victim mentality. Embracing has enabled me to see the situation for what it is and I've learnt a lot about what I'm capable of. What's really surprised me is I've started to see it as a reset and an opportunity to change some things in my life that I'm not happy with but was always too risk-averse to do anything about.

I was adamant I didn't want cancer to define me and I still don't, but I'm learning that the effects and experience will stay with me and shape me in various ways for the rest of my life. Even after remission, the best the medical team can tell you is that they've reduced the chances of the cancer returning, so I'm always going to be on alert. Cancer will forever be a part of my story, and I'm determined it will be a positive one.

Use your innate power wisely

Having cancer can be all-encompassing, with good reason, but I have always believed you give power to what you focus on, whether that’s good or bad, and I refuse to give the cancer any more power than it already has. There’s so much more that is right with me than is wrong, and I instantly feel more hopeful and optimistic when I focus on my wellness. Despite the numerous physical side effects of chemo, I’m constantly amazed at my body’s ability to heal itself and I’ve realised the importance of giving it the best chance of doing that by eating healthily, exercising, drinking plenty of water, getting enough sleep, staying connected with my support network and creating opportunities for joyfulness.

Learn. Grow. Reset. Adapt

In summary, my cancer journey has been an absolute rollercoaster but I’m choosing to use my experience as an opportunity to learn, grow, reset and adapt. It’s giving me a renewed appreciation for the things I previously took for granted, such as my health, my family and friendships, my physical freedom and free healthcare at the point of service. It’s helped me to re-evaluate what’s really important to me - in my life and work - and make changes based on what makes me most happy, rather than what I think I should be doing.

Finally, I give my deepest love and respect to anyone else who has gone through this, is going through this, or has lost someone dear to this. The thought that I might be able to support others gives a sense of meaning to this otherwise difficult situation, so please get in touch if a chat will help.